Daughter's Visit and Cannabis

[p***@gmail.com]

Greetings,

I am an American who has been living in the UK for the past year. I
have also had a pretty distant relationship with my daughter, who is
20, for the past 3 years. Because we are trying to become better
friends, I have invited here to the UK for a visit. After spending a
considerable amount of time planning/paying for the trip, and getting
pretty excited about seeing her, I've recently discovered that she is
a cannabis user. My question is, do confront here about this, express
my concerns, and risk souring the visit, or do I let it go and say
nothing? I know what I would do if she were under 18, but she's not so
I am a bit torn.

Thanks for the advice,


jj

[Chris French]

Post by p***@gmail.com
Greetings,
I am an American who has been living in the UK for the past year. I
have also had a pretty distant relationship with my daughter, who is
20, for the past 3 years. Because we are trying to become better
friends, I have invited here to the UK for a visit. After spending a
considerable amount of time planning/paying for the trip, and getting
pretty excited about seeing her, I've recently discovered that she is
a cannabis user. My question is, do confront here about this, express
my concerns, and risk souring the visit, or do I let it go and say
nothing? I know what I would do if she were under 18, but she's not so
I am a bit torn.

I'd leave be. Is raising this likely to improve your relationship, I
suspect not. She's an adult, anything you say is not likely to change
her behaviour, but could quite possibly lead to arguments and souring of
the visit as you say. What do you hope to gain.

ISTM, that this isn't the time for criticism of your daughter anyway.
Accept her for who she is, enjoy her company, enjoy the visit, use it to
strengthen your relationship with her.

I think it is quite reasonable to say you don't want smoking in your
house say if that is likely. But then we don't have people smoking (of
any sort) in our house.

[J***@gmail.com]

Post by Chris French

Post by p***@gmail.com
Greetings,
I am an American who has been living in the UK for the past year. I
have also had a pretty distant relationship with my daughter, who is
20, for the past 3 years. Because we are trying to become better
friends, I have invited here to the UK for a visit. After spending a
considerable amount of time planning/paying for the trip, and getting
pretty excited about seeing her, I've recently discovered that she is
a cannabis user. My question is, do confront here about this, express
my concerns, and risk souring the visit, or do I let it go and say
nothing? I know what I would do if she were under 18, but she's not so
I am a bit torn.

I'd leave be. Is raising this likely to improve your relationship, I
suspect not. She's an adult, anything you say is not likely to change
her behaviour, but could quite possibly lead to arguments and souring of
the visit as you say. What do you hope to gain.
ISTM, that this isn't the time for criticism of your daughter anyway.
Accept her for who she is, enjoy her company, enjoy the visit, use it to
strengthen your relationship with her.
I think it is quite reasonable to say you don't want smoking in your
house say if that is likely. But then we don't have people smoking (of
any sort) in our house.
--
Chris French

Hi Chris,

OK, that sounds like good advice, I'll do my best to follow it. I
can't expect to offer her any advice anyway until we gotten to know
each other better.

Cheers,

jj